This sentence is magic.
They did what?!
You know that moment when someone makes a decision that has you raising an eyebrow, clenching your jaw, or wondering, “What the hell are they thinking?”
Maybe your coworker told your boss how much you hate your job.
Or your friend got back together with their ex the morning after you spent hours consoling them through the breakup.
Or your partner shut down during an argument and left the house for hours without saying a word—while you were ready to talk it through, face it, and find resolution together.
Cue the confusion, the annoyance—and the judgment.
We’ve all had front-row seats to the perceived folly of others, only to let it plant a seed of frustration that we keep on watering. But no one wants a garden of WTFs growing in their mind.
Thankfully, there’s a one-sentence tool that can help you clear the weeds and cultivate something healthier:
People do things for their own reasons, not mine.
It’s a powerful truth we hope others remember about us—yet we’re quick to forget it when the roles are reversed. And this is because our brains are wired to keep us safe and to make sense of things. And what’s safer and more sensible than to believe that our way is the right way?
But the truth is, our way is simply the right way for us. It might be a good way for others, too—but that doesn’t make it the universal blueprint for everyone’s life.
Meaning as life unfolds, and people inevitably make choices you wouldn’t, remind yourself:
People do things for their own reasons, not mine.
Your friend cancels on you the night before your weekend plans.
People do things for their own reasons, not mine.
Your sibling spends money like it’s Monopoly cash, then complains about being bankrupt.
People do things for their own reasons, not mine.
Your coworker takes all the credit for the project you both worked on.
People do things for their own reasons, not mine.
Your partner shuts down in conflict instead of leaning in with communication.
People do things for their own reasons, not mine.
I get it, you wouldn’t have made the same choice they did. You would’ve handled it so differently. You would have done it better.
But they, are not you.
Let People Be Who They Are
The greatest gift you can give yourself, and them, is to let people be who they are. Now, I’m not advocating for you dismissing destructive, abusive, or violent behavior. What I’m saying is, this mantra of— “People do things for their own reasons, not mine.” —can bring incredible clarity.
Clarity on who they are. What they value. How they think.
That kind of honesty is a gift because it gives you the chance to ask yourself:
Are their consistent actions within my threshold of tolerance?
Can I stay in this relationship without resenting how they operate?
Is this a sign for me to grow, create distance, or walk away?
Trying to take control of others and rewrite their script rarely works. But witnessing their choices—without judgment—helps you write your own more clearly.
So, when people show you who they are, believe them.
Then decide what you want to do with that information.
Have No Opinion
Here’s a little bonus tool for you that’s going to feel counterintuitive if you’re used to analyzing everything. But sometimes, the best gift you can give yourself is to have no opinion at all.
You don’t need to “figure out” why they did what they did.
You don’t need to label it as right, wrong, good, or bad.
You can simply say:
“That’s their choice. I don’t need to carry it.”
Every opinion we have costs something. And some situations just aren’t worth the emotional rent.
But What If...
Their actions are hurting them?
You should care, speak up, maybe even get them help—but in the end, they still have to choose change.
Their actions are hurting me?
That’s your cue to set a boundary, create distance, and enforce consequences.
They broke a promise to you (or someone else)?
Accountability matters. You get to address it—and decide if trust can be rebuilt.
It’s out of character?
Get curious. Ask. Don’t assume. People are complex, not machines.
So now what?
You are not responsible for managing someone else’s logic, emotions, or decisions.
And you’re not obligated to make sense of their story through your lens.
So, the next time someone leaves you confused, frustrated, or hurt—pause.
Breathe.
And remember:
People do things for their own reasons, not mine.
Ever upward.
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Ever upward!