Relax, don’t do it…
When you want to go to it.
We’ve all had that moment where we just had to scratch an itch that wouldn’t go away. And more than quelling a mosquito bite, we just had to scratch the itch of our pleasures, immediately, and without any regard for the consequences.
And when we do that, we often find that we’ve scratched that impulse so much, that it leaves us relationally, emotionally, or even spiritually bleeding.
You text someone you swore you were done with, just to feel wanted again.
You buy something expensive you didn’t need, because it felt good in the moment.
You take one more drink, one more hit, one more scroll, knowing it’ll mess with your sleep, your mood, or your resolve.
That impulse is the Id. And when it’s unregulated it’s capable of inflicting a lot of pain on you, and others.
In the last newsletter, we talked about the unregulated Super Ego—that internal judge that wants you to be “good” and often uses guilt or shame to keep you in check.
We also touched briefly on the Ego—the part of you that’s meant to hold the reins between judgment (The Super Ego) and desire (The Id). And without a healthy Ego, these two beasts will trample all over your life.
But today, we look at the part of your psyche that wants what it wants—and doesn’t care who it wrecks to get there.
The Id
This part of your inner world runs on what Freud called the “pleasure principle”. A craving that shows up as an impulse—a quick reaction to get relief, satisfaction, validation, or escape.
The scary thing is you might not even recognize it as impulse in the moment. It often feels like urgency, hunger, intensity, or longing.
And if the Ego doesn’t step in, the Id will do everything to get what it wants.
Flesh for Fantasy
There’s a story from scripture that absolutely nails the unregulated Id…
Mighty King David—powerful, respected, and at the height of his reign, steps out onto a rooftop and sees a gorgeous woman bathing… Bathsheba.
Her brave husband, Uriah, is off risking his life on the battlefield while David is standing there, safe, watching her bathe.
He doesn’t know her, and he doesn’t care that she’s married. He just wants her.
And his Ego has dropped the reins of his Id.
So, he sends for her. And when you’re the king, people don’t say no.
Having no choice, she comes to the palace. And whether it was seduction, pressure, or power—he sleeps with her. Then sends her home like it was nothing.
But as time passes, David receives a message from her that punches him in the gut…
“I’m pregnant.”
Now David’s got a big problem. And instead of stepping up and dealing with the consequences of what he’s done, he goes deeper into the spiral.
He calls Uriah back from battle, pretending to honor him. “Take a break. Go home. Be with your wife.” He hopes Uriah will sleep with Bathsheba and think the baby is his. But Uriah is too loyal. Too honorable. He refuses to go home while his fellow soldiers are still out there fighting and dying.
So, David steps up his plan to cover up the damage he’s caused.
He sends Uriah back to the front lines with sealed orders in his hand—orders that literally command his own death. “Put him where the fighting is fiercest. Then pull the men back.”
And they do.
Uriah is killed. Bathsheba mourns. And David marries her, thinking it’s all covered up.
Problem solved. Or so he thought …
The regulated Super Ego steps in, guided by the Ego, and David feels it.
Conviction.
He’s confronted by the prophet Nathan, who calls out everything he’s tried to bury. And instead of defending himself, David breaks and repents.
What started as a glance turned into a secret, a lie, a death… But it didn’t end there.
Because when the Id gets checked—and the Ego finds its strength—redemption becomes possible.
The Modern Version
You and I might not be ruling kingdoms, but we’ve lived this too.
You’re tired of being alone, so you’ll jump into any relationship.
You’re overwhelmed at work, so you lash out at someone who didn’t deserve it.
You want comfort, so you eat, drink, spend, scroll, or ghost your way toward a quick hit of dopamine.
All of these might be strong indications that your Id may be steering the wheel in that moment.
And without awareness, it’ll keep making calls that don’t reflect who you want to be, or the life you want to have.
But here’s the thing, the Id doesn’t have to be a monster.
It reminds us that we’re alive. That it’s not bad to want things. And that it’s okay to seek relief.
But unregulated, it will make demands until satiated at all costs. Because without a healthy Ego to guide it, the Id lacks discernment.
So now what?
Look back on a recent moment where you acted on impulse.
What triggered it?
What were you hoping to feel—or avoid?
And what might have shifted if you paused before moving?
Look, there’s nothing wrong with desire. We just need our Ego to help us honor that desire in a way that doesn’t hurt us, or others.
Next newsletter we’ll cover the beautiful Ego. And if you missed Part 1 on the Super Ego, it’ll be available on my website in the newsletter archive in a couple of weeks. Subscribers get these newsletters a month before they go on my site—so if someone sent you this, sign up and don’t miss what’s next.
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